Disappoinment and Frustration

Since is past 12 now.. yesterday was my submission deadline for the English research proposal, due to that I took Judith advise as I try out new things brainstorming for ideas and create the outline what are my group gonna do last week.. However nothing was done until past two days which is one date before the submission.. My group didn't do anything until I have to push them, spoon feed them and explain over and over again until I think even my 12 years old sister will know what to do.. Then I waited for 4 hours from 8p.m.-12a.m. one of my group member didn't online at all.. fine I don't quite bother with that while the other one was online and finish up the work.. I receive the proposal through my e-mail at 12a.m. plus and I got a shock, 4 hours but only half a page of proposal.. I can barely see anything inside and it is even without a conclusion.. oh gosh!! I end up redo the proposal again alone this time.. I stare at the computer till 1.30a.m. until I couldn't take it anymore as I couldn't find a stuff about the topic medicine because the topic was too broad..

However the next day which is yesterday, heavy rain falls and I'm darn late for my Business Computing (BCP) class.. First, I really wanna thank Michelle Lee for calling me to remind me about the test which going to start at 8.30a.m. and I also want to Myera who set up the comp for me and ready it for me.. I'm very glad and thankful.. I took 3 minutes to finish the first online test and score 17/20 and took 7 minutes to do the second wan which the score is the same 17/20. I'm lucky to get this score and happy that is better than last week 16/20 =) Well if next week got online test.. my target will be 18..

After the class, I went to the library to do my proposal, I skipped my lunch, changing to the topic that I know which is Stress.. Then I went for Economics class with my stomach roaring non stop and I got my result for the first test.. I score 17/20 lol... I wonder whats up today.. score 17 17 17 for every test.. After that, I went for accounts lecture.. I had the most stress for this lecture.. Tons of ratio need to be learned, tons of formula; Started to have headache at that time.. Straight after the lecture, I went out and kinda released everything I kept in my heart.. Here I want to say sorry to everyone for releasing my anger out of sudden especially I'm very sorry Kim Woon for replying you rudely after you 'ejek' me..

Soon, I rushed all the way to the ADP library to finish up my proposal.. took another one hour to finish up the second half of my proposal.. Really sorry Ms Sarah for troubling you again to change my research question.. Sometimes I wonder, whats the point spending 4 hours barely produces something? Where I can finish the whole proposal in 2 hours.. If you think you are not gonna produce anything.. stop wasting time and just give everything to me and I will finish it.. Sometimes, I felt that I'm very stupid, guiding them, explaining over and over again, and the outcome is nothing.. I don't mind doing all the job alone, as I'm the one who benefits and you guys benefit nothing.. But at least give me some hint or just admit that you don't understand a single thing and let me do all the job.. Are they really that stupid?? or they are just procrastinator?? or they were just lazy to do it?? Just admit the fact that you don't know anything rather than showing off what you actually capable of.. I got a shock when you guys finish the proposal with one of the father is actually operating a business about drugs and medicine.. I trust you guys, leaving you guys the choice to choose the things you like.. But in the end, I'm very disappointed, anyway I have to apologize too because I change the topic without informing them.. phew.. I guess I'm feeling better right now after releasing everything out.. and lastly I wanna thank Grace for consoling me and accompanying me on the way to KTM station..